short funny affirmations

30. 275. But you're not as old as you're going to be.". The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! I choose to stop obsessing about my body. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. Decomposing. No, but April may. 209. 58. 39 funny positive affirmations. 248. 134. Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. I am joyful for achieving the ones I did. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. Consider what you want to accomplish using these witty affirmations, and go for the ones that will bring you closer to that goal. Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. I'm amusing and people enjoy talking to me. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Shoot for the moon. Allow yourself to laugh if you feel the need. 60. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Never let anyone waste your time twice. 188. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. Yesterday I did nothing and today Im finishing what I did yesterday. Read next: 45 Self-Compassion Affirmations to Practice when Feeling Low. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 57. A mind is like a parachute. A wishbone. 49. 61. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 246. Learn sign language, its very handy. 102. I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today. 7. How do astronomers organize a party? Stop trying to make everyone happy. I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. Exercise? I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Every day, read them aloud for the best results. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? 218. If you enjoyed reading these funny positive affirmations, make sure to bookmark this page for future reference, and share your favorite affirmations with your friends and family. I did it! 3. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. 89. 47. 102. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Positive mindset affirmations. Youre not tequila., 5. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. 20. 217. 12. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. 280 Short Funny Quotes and Sayings - Luvze I am finding fun and joy in everything I do and everywhere I go. When I can laugh at myself, life becomes so much easier. Any text will do. 191. - Benjamin Franklin. Albert King You can write them on sticky notes to set on your mirror, on the notes app in your phone for on-the-go encouragement, or you can simply memorize your favorites and recite . 182. Take some time each day to go through these funny affirmations for self-esteem and see how your mood shifts in response. 135. I tried, but they wanted cash. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Not everyone has to like me. You have to go after it with a club. 183. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 1. I am lazy till I get a motive. 60 Happy Friday Funny Memes Day of the Week - FunZumo Rodney Dangerfield. 50. I am on a seafood diet. ". 264. You can think about your affirmations at work, while driving, when you practice yoga, and when you spend time with your . I want to afford them., 2. Today I will embrace the poop., 7. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. 13. The rest are too expensive. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? 95. Who says nothing is impossible? In between, I am alive., 7. I said yes, which turned out to be the right answer. How can you not like someone who can make you laugh? 205 Hilariously Funny Quotes For Work To Make You Chuckle 32. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. 186. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. 184. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. 93. 3. 267. Granted, it can be challenging to write affirmations, especially if you havent done it before. The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. I receive what I believe. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 117. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? 126. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Albert Einstein What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 8. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. 208. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. Why is England the wettest country? I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. 176. 52. You cant have everything, where would you put it? 78. It has nothing new to tell you. It makes them so damned mad. Boost your ego and narcissism in as little as 5 minutes per day and set yourself up for success. Life is filled with highs and lows, stress and anxiety, so sometimes some funny and positive words will help you lighten up on an encouraging note. 117. At night, I cant fall asleep. Charles M. Schulz. 7. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. 53. I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. Not me, but somebody does. can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. First, read the most powerful affirmations below to build a strong mind. 205. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. ~ Bill Gates. 225. 69. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". 74. 147. 279. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. Perhaps youre just starting to use affirmations and still cant take yourself seriously. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life 130. 151. 96. 244. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 270. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. 61. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. Today is a great day. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. Swimming trunks. Take a look! And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 278. Good morning! 81. I dont suffer from insanity. I am feeling wittier and more naturally funny. 41. I love living in my unique female body. It has nothing new to tell you. - Catherine Pulsifer. 127. Yeah, so is a grenade. 150. Your habits become your values. A gummy bear. Laughter also has a social aspect, as its the perfect way to bond with people. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. You might undoubtedly relate with them, and yet you will not feel laid back because of your weaknesses. 113. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember You can only be young once. Some people are like clouds. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. I tell you what always catches my eye. 159. With time, I have started to value more time. 238. 177. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 273. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. Paul Ehrlich, 241. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 9. 15. Never take life seriously. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. 116. Be Funny Positive Affirmations "We . 25. What do you call a bear with no teeth? The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 39 Funny Positive Affirmations [Feel Happier Instantly] I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. 120. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. And get over it. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. 1. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. 131. Nobody is listening, but you still feel embarrassed. 120 Funny/sarcastic affirmations ideas - Pinterest And a funny bone. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. 59. You can write them down and use them whenever youre attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 47. 11. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. 185. Good morning! "A moment of patience in a moment of anger saves you a hundred moments of regret. 203. Happy Birthday.". 277. So put on your favorite song, take a deep breath, and say these affirmations during your next tough time for some much-needed positivity! Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Its okay if people dont like me. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 145. Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap eight people at once. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. I didnt give you the finger, you earned it. Funny affirmations for self-esteem are one way you can boost your mood in just minutes! Choose a job you love and youll never have to work a day in your lifebecause that field isnt hiring. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Wilson Mizner 23. "Life is like an elevator - Sometimes it stops. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. I dont suffer from insanity. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits., 8. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me., 14. All you need is love. I can have peace, even when people irritate me. 162. The world is missing some pizzazz. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Not looking at the price tag when Im shopping., 11. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. 139. Im still gonna do dumb stuff, only slower., See also: 90 Inspiring & Funny Quotes About Ageing Gracefully, 8. How do trees access the internet? Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. It's why you may feel excinervous (aka excited and nervous at the same time). Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc Bill Murray 172. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. 70+ Daily Affirmations That'll Rock Your World - Fun Cheap or Free I am already great, and I am yet to reach my full potential. Learn sign language, its very handy. 131. Love your enemies. 197. 6. Ive been doing nothing for years. Top 75 Funny Daily Affirmations | Committed To Myself I teach my kids good things in sarcastic ways. 50 Funny Affirmations for a Daily Dose of Humor - Happier Human 2. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Youre talking to yourself. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. - Jeffrey Gitomer. Sam Levenson 37. Exercise? God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Its okay, he woke up. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Have a look! 210. 140. I wish my wallet came with free refills. 152. Because they make up everything. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. 160. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Sometimes the M is silent. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. 86. 19 Positive Affirmations That'll Change the Way You Think You wanna know who Im in love with? 163. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. Live life to the fullest. 76. 80. May your yoga pants be stretchy, your coffee be strong and your Wednesday be short., See also: 120 Inspiring Wednesday Morning Blessings To Motivate You. Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along. Education cost money. 98. 223. 96. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. Only two more days until Friday.". I'm doing great. Envelope. I'm a peli-can! Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Im sorry, but thats just the way I am. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Whenever I clean my closet I take a GPS with me, so I can find my way back. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Funny Affirmation - Etsy I love myself, which is why I dont need to love the idea of other people loving me., 12. Socrates. Heres a list of important things to consider: Choosing the perfect affirmation from our list isnt much different. Looking for positive funny affirmations? 4. 143. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. It gets toad away. Putting up with others shit isnt on my To-Do list today. I dont think thats a coincidence. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. I am on a seafood diet. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". Maybe Monday doesn't like you either. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. This might be a work in progress, or you might need to remind yourself of how funny you actually are. 141. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 4. - Bette Midler. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. 268. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. How do trees access the internet? Ken Dodd Theres no stopping me now. My mistakes dont define me. Alright, get in the basket.. 213. It makes them so damned mad. Yeah, so is a grenade. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. 259. 142. 269. Theres no stopping me now. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. 166. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? grateful. Im describing you. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. Positive Daily Affirmations for Women. Everyone brings happiness to this office. 204. 73. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. 236. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. Never judge a book by its movie. Some when they enter, others when they leave. 228. New year, new me. I tried, but they wanted cash. 255. Its not easy staying motivated for work all the time. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. A mind is like a parachute. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" 8. Every time you are able to find some humor in a difficult situation, you win., 5. My wife and I were happy for 20 years, then we met. Because seven ate nine. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Jackie Collins, 240. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? I know the best time to make fun. Inspiring Quotes About Life "Here, we like to keep you inspired by showing you beautiful words of wisdom based . With a cowculator. Im not running away from hard work, Im too lazy to run. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. 182. My mom scolds me for no reason. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. 239. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes. We may speak different languages, but we all laugh the same. When life closes a door, just open it again. 181. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 33. I believed in Santa Claus for 10 years. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. (John 14:27) 27. 63. 126. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up., 14. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. I just go normal from time to time. 66. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. 170. 179. 9. 233. 197. I feel great. But then again so does . I release all shame about my body. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 7. I am awesome. 209. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. 3. Effective pushing often involves poop. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. 121. Lorrin L. Lee. Why did the can crusher quit his job? Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. 205. Leave me a if you agree! Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? No No NOYes. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. If at first, you dont succeed, so much for skydiving. Short people with an umbrella. 243. 177. 87. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. 83. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Short people with an umbrella. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. He who laughs last didnt get it. 200. I deserve sugar, spice, and all things nice. 148. 130. Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. 164. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. 64. Not me, but somebody does. I can create positive change in the world. 18. 14. 84. Bowling Alley: Please be quiet. 180+ Positive Affirmations For Kids To Boost Motivation And Confidence After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 45. But it'll move up again.". 6. Be careful when you follow the masses. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. Friends come and go, but enemies remain and build up. I always find something funny in every situation. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning. Silence is golden, unless you have kids, then silence is just plain suspicious. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. 2. 195. 231. Sometimes the M is silent. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Im gonna be worse., 12. How do you count cows? Life does a pretty good job of keeping us stressed and worried, we dont need our internal dialogue to pile on too. My jokes do. 62. 137. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. 3. 1. If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. 26. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] It doesnt work if it is not open. 1. "I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. No man goes before his timeunless the boss leaves early. Why was six scared of seven? I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. You try again, but no sound is coming out. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Ive got three bones. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. In the morning, I cant get up. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? God has never abandoned me.

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