why do borderlines want to hurt you

Why do borderline's "discard"? And perhaps hardest of all is admitting you were wrong in the same way others have wronged you, or worse. Answer (1 of 53): We don't want to, trust me.We don't. If people just gave us stuff that we wanted, then there would be no need to manipulate or lie. 6) If you have left or are planning to leave the relationship with your borderline can you speak a bit about what factored into the decision? You live in unbearable psychic pain most of the time, and in severe cases, on the border between reality and psychosis. I am okay if they stay as long as they stay in a businesslike professional space with me. You do to have to change any of it. We wanted to know what kinds of things people with BPD do that are code for "don't leave me," so we asked our Mighty BPD community to share their experiences with us.. It's important to remember that people with BPD who struggle with communicating directly are not doing so to manipulate others — they are often simply struggling . Now, I understand that this may be the last thing you want to do when you're being blamed for a problem. First, there is the idealization stage in which you can do no wrong. Do you want your freedom enough? The Stages of a Relationship with a Narcissist. Unfortunately, however, this is not the case for everybody. Oversensitivity to real or imagined rejection. This sums it up completely. Why would any individual self-injure? People with BPD desperately fear abandonment and have trouble maintaining relationships; nevertheless, they tend to lie, which ruins trust and intimacy, fosters resentment, and harms the very relationships they fear losing. This is a complicated aspect of Borderline Personality that has all to do with insecure attachment, sensitive Do you hold onto hurt and cannot let it go? Not saying you do have any, it doesn't seem like you do or anything, but sometimes because of peoples own internal struggles, they end up subconsciously chasing people who they find attractive who are also subconsciously seen as "broken". It always boils down to one or more of those. They expect that you will eventually hurt them, and they behave accordingly, punishing you for things they think you have done or will do. It's even harder to admit you were wrong multiple times. When you catch on to their lies and stand up to them, this causes a classic narcissistic injury — an affront to their ego. If you are with someone who is driven to cause hurt because of self-dislike—and you want to stay with them—they must get help for their own issues. 9. BPD is not an easy disorder to live with and emotional suffering is a frequent occurrence. Lastly, reviving relationships with people who have hurt us has to do with self-worth issues. The New Book on Borderline Personality Disorder. Get too close and that is stressful for most with BPD. In a normal person, revealing your hurt triggers their compassion. People with Borderline Personality often punish others. You do to have to change any of it. Unfortunately, however, this is not the case for everybody. If they see you already hurt or injured, it triggers their sadistic delight, which causes them to want to inflict to magnify your hurt and harm. And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again. They're not broken. The only time I ever see my illness portrayed in the media is as the "stalker/serial killer of the week." —Anonymous, 41 Love And Attachments . Why BPD Causes Trust Issues. Treatment can help you learn skills to manage and cope with your condition. if you're like me one of the most painful things about my relationship was the guilt and the shame. The honeymoon phase is usually a combination of all of these things. I can see why people who don't have BPD find it hard to understand. Why? 4  If your loved one tries to harm you, call the police. If you're struggling with BPD symptoms or "borderline guilt," we want you to know you are never alone — even in the times that feel hopeless. In other words, they have . It's okay for them to not like you for a while. A.J. Thus, they will hurt themselves to make other people feel badly for something they did or said. Sexy, Attractive Women Act Crazy To Throw You Off. But that might depend on your attachment type. Crisis lines aren't only for people in crisis. It's another example of their outrageous sense of entitlement. (It's actually your decision they don't like, but it might be directed at you.) If you live with borderline personality disorder (BPD), "splitting" may be something you can relate to.. For those who may not know, splitting is essentially categorizing things (or people) as . I never ever want to hurt you, that is what you must keep in mind, so that when you feel hurt, you will know that it was not my intention that you should feel that way. If they are acting in a way the "non" feels is "wrong" the expression of that feeling on the part of the non is a judgment of the BPD's feelings. Answer: Ok, two of my exes had a borderline personality disorder and were fun as hell, I am a spontaneous person, who is often bored, so I crave conflict and drama to keep myself entertained. Many people suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) find that therapy works well for them. The anger that the "non" expresses comes off to the borderline as judgment of their feelings. It's okay for them to not like you for a while. You define your own past hurts and they define what kind of defense you build around your SELF. You don't need to fix them or their feelings. There are many overlapping symptoms, and some therapists believe that all trauma survivors with DID are also BPD. BPDs are unpredictable and can go from 0 to 100 in a split second, meaning one moment she loves me and th. When you already feel like a burden — which many people with BPD do — language like this hurts. When you understand why people without bpd lie, you will understand why people with bpd lie. Attachment problems are probably the cause of borderline personality disorder sufferers having a fear of rejection in the first place. Why do narcissists want to hurt you? Do you erupt into anger easily? Living with borderline personality disorder can be difficult. We encourage you to seek out the help of a mental health professional and become part of a dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) group. I, however, do not hold that perspective. As someone living with BPD, and as a mental health professional, I can . Your partner isn't deliberately trying to hurt you or your . Firstly, it is important to note that they also punish themselves in the process. One of the key "causes" of BPD is an invalidating environment. I think what happens is that the people closest to Borderlines are often the only people to see and experience the full range of BP behavior. That's why it is a well known refrain to never reveal your weaknesses or hurt to the narcissist. 1  One of the symptoms of BPD is the assumption that others are going to cause hurt. "BPD doesn't hurt me, you do." "That one hurt a lot. I do not perceive that These people will add much positive to my situation And really do not want to work things out with them. Drop everything you are doing and rearrange your schedule for an entire day so you can do something for them like right now, even though the chances are 50/50 they will not even be there when you . Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) use the defense mechanism splitting, which causes them to feel extremes of either good or bad. If they are acting in a way the "non" feels is "wrong" the expression of that feeling on the part of the non is a judgment of the BPD's feelings. As someone with NPD, I've been thinking lately why it is that we do things that hurt other people. I myself have dated many women with BPD and other emotional issues. If you're wondering what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, the first thing you need to do is to stop blaming the illness for the breakup. Things like "splitting," experiencing intense emotions . Trying to break free from a toxic relationship, and then returning to it, feeds and fuels an unhealthy . Zena, there is a lot self judgement and shame here, and we'd first off start by saying, you are not a bad, horrible person like you seem to tell yourself, you are person who had a terrible trauma as a 5-year child, who didn't feel protected, heard, or supported over it, and has been navigating that fallout ever since.You might want to look . Mahari has a new ebook available now called, Punishment and Revenge In Borderline Personality Disorder - The Unmastered Talionic Impulse In BPD - What Loved Ones Need To Know. (Although plenty of non-famous people have this serious mental illness, too — about 4 million in the . (Narcissistic & Borderline Personality Disorder Relationships) The sudden discard is perhaps one of the most difficult things to recover from and make sense of if you are on the receiving end. Otherwise you are DOOMED to being unhappy. I have written here about my experience with a BP. Safe space for anyone living with borderline personality disorder to share thoughts. In other words, they have . I really do want her back in my life as I know that she didn't meant to hurt me with her behavior, but I will be very guarded. If you continue to relate in these very borderline, selfish ways, you will continue to add to the stockpile of all of your regrets. (Although plenty of non-famous people have this serious mental illness, too — about 4 million in the . Trying to break free from a toxic relationship, and then returning to it, feeds and fuels an unhealthy . They're not broken. While those with BPD have the same likelihood of cheating as others, they do have a higher likelihood of suspecting their partners are cheating. Answer: For me, it's words or actions by the other person that triggers intense feelings of betrayal, rejection, or abandonment. "Why do you want to lose weight?" someone asked Pastor Don Bartemus recently. (It's actually your decision they don't like, but it might be directed at you.) I am okay if they leave and I will not replace them. . Borderline personality disorder — sometimes known as emotionally unstable personality disorder — is a personality disorder which affects how you think and feel about yourself and others. If you have ever wondered why Borderlines and Narcissists are drawn to each other but still cannot make the relationship work, this article is for you. "You don't give love to get love. you were painted black, discarded, and . People want to know why self-injury is so prevalent in borderline personality disorder (BPD). Then they feel engulfed and like they are being controlled - feelings from the past and often not here-and-now truth unless with an abusive person usually with N. Answer (1 of 8): While there can be many reasons, a few common ones include; 1. Yes in the pursuit of your disengaging the dance and your attaining your freedom you will hurt. Borderline is not to be confused with Bipolar Disorder, which is an affective disorder rather than a personality disorder. Self-injury is so closely associated with borderline personality disorder (BPD) that some psychiatrists will make that diagnosis automatically if a patient self-injures. I might not ever hear from her is something I might have to live with, but the thing with borderline's is all the emotions, feeling, and love they have for you is real. Your ex was the one responsible for staying in love with you and for dealing with BPD. I came up with some reasons 1) NPD people think about external goals a lot, but aren't interested in people's feelings. Sudden outbursts of anger. Due to low self-esteem, people with BPD have difficulty believing that someone could . It might be behind why you keep ending up with BPD women. To feel . Lots of reasons, Don thought, some hard to verbalize. Your ex was the one responsible for staying in love with you and for dealing with BPD. The borderline will hurt. "Once you realized you are loved, things will be better." "'You just need to realize you are loved and you will be better.' Little do they know, being 'loved' doesn't stop the suicidal thoughts." — James E. 11. It just so happens that I'm very good at it and don't feel anything about it afterwards. Hi Erica, Time to do some work to dig in and understand WHY you want to be with a man who treats you like crap. You don't need to fix them or their feelings. Perhaps you first heard about borderline personality disorder from a celebrity who has it. According to the National Institute of Mental Health's website, borderline personality disorder consists of unstable moods, behaviors, and relationships, with trouble regulating emotions and thoughts while exhibiting impulsive behavior.. Another characteristic of BPD is self-injurious behaviors and . If life and recovery have taught me anything it's that you cannot grow and change without feeling pain. Join support groups and seek out resources for loved ones of people with BPD. If the person with BPD is raging or emotionally volatile with any of you, agree on the steps you will all that situation, such as walking out of the room. The illness may have increased your ex's negative emotions, but it's not something you or your ex can put the blame on. I've thought a great deal about that saying: "Hurt people, hurt people." While I don't think it should be used to absolve people of their wrongdoings, I do see some truth in it. I went home upset and feeling somewhat stabbed in the back, for having this information . When I realize I've been betrayed (which is in the eye of the beholder), it slams my mind, often triggering sudden and in. The reason behind this is that people with BPD believe they are fundamentally broken or damaged, and they project that onto other people. Sudden outbursts of anger. If you're wondering what to do when a borderline personality disorder ends a relationship, the first thing you need to do is to stop blaming the illness for the breakup. The clinical diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder requires several specific criteria, but many persons can experience some BPD symptoms apart from any clinical diagnosis. Perhaps you first heard about borderline personality disorder from a celebrity who has it. You give love to become love. One of the key "causes" of BPD is an invalidating environment. One of the most common patterns among ASPD (Anti-Social Personality Disorder), NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder), and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) is an obsessive need to know if they hurt you.Negative emotional reactions are deemed a "success", and they especially want to know if you still want them even after they have mistreated you. In the recesses of his mind flashed images of his father, once an athlete, dying at three hundred and fifty pounds; how he himself could, in one sitting, finish off a bag of chips, a box of cookies, or a quart of ice cream. It's okay for them to be furious at you, or not want anything to do with you for a while. Many people suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) find that therapy works well for them. Eleanor Payson describes this extremely well in The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists. My behavior cannot and will not change until I make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action. The crisis lines linked in through 310-6789 have received advanced training in mental health issues . But it does help most of the time, as you defuse the conflict and focus on what you can . However, for those on the other side of someone with Borderline Personality, that's little comfort, I know. 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